greetings from madrid and all the rest...

i can't believe that it has been so long since my last update. i guess i should start where i left off, with my trip to madrid. here are the emails that i sent home while i was there; they should give you an idea of what my trip was like. of course, i have stuff that wasn't included in the emails for whatever reason. let's call these appendices...


hola,

the shift button on these computers is really weird, so you get an email in all lowercase. so far the trip has been fun. i met a kid from bc in the milan airport, and we were on the same flight into madrid. he´s really nice, a junior too. the flight was pretty uneventful, and customs in the madrid airport was literally nonexistent. they didn´t even stamp my passport or anything.

i got to my house around noon madrid-time yesterday and met my roommate and my senora. the woman i´m living with is really sweet. her name is liliana, and she has a fifteen year old son with cystic fibrosis. she showed us around like ten times yesterday and insists that we have our meals with her. she´s a good cook, so it´s ok. my roommate, veronica, is a lot of fun. i like the bc kids in the program more now that we´re here; with everyone out of their comfort zones, people aren´t so snobby. we´re sharing a room though, so it really feels like a dorm with two twin beds and limited space.

we went out clubbing last night. we met some local people who got us into all of the good clubs for free. it was so much fun. we got in around 5 am (this city really doesn´t sleep) and got woken up at 10.

first class today. three hours of lecture is a bit much, but we´re going to a museum tomorrow. i think i´ll learn a lot at least. the professor seems really chill.

so far, everything´s going well. the only thing that sucks is the heat. it´s been over 100 every day, and it´s so humid. basically, we´re sweating out of control. it´s no good.

i miss you all so much. i´ll try to email periodically. please email me and tell me what you´ve all been up to. i´m not homesick yet, but i know it´s coming. i´m just trying to remember everything from this trip, journalling like crazy. alright, i must get going.

love,
liz


so the first night out was when we met my spanish sugar daddy, ido. well, we call him ido, because we have no idea of his real name. that's what we thought it was, but he totally didn't understand when we said it to him. needless to say, we spent a week with him and don't know who he was. but whatever, he got us into all of the hot clubs for free and bought me drinks. basically, sally and veronica were pimping me out; but he was happy as long as i was dancing with him.

it was about the first week that we started branching off from the rest of the bc crew. we had such an amazing first night in madrid, really seeing the local scene and having an overall great time, that veronica and i just weren't satisfied with the american clubs. at this point, i was still madly in love with justin. oh wait, i still am. but anyway, keep reading...


hola a todos,

we´ve been having a really good time. we spent the day in toledo yesterday. like nine hours of walking was a little rough though. i have never had blisters on my feet like i do right now... serious pain. oh well though, it´s worth it. we went out with spanish students for tapas on wednesday night. that was fun; got to meet new people and practice my spanish. we´re going to a bullfight with them on sunday. yesterday it was pouring and there was thunder and lightning, so we ended up staying in and watching tv. after two early nights though, we´re planning to go crazy tonight. spanish students finished their exams today, so we´re gonna hit up all the hot clubs.

the girls i´ve been hanging out with are great. veronica is my roommate. she´ll be a junior next year too; and we´ve been hanging out with a senior too, sally. they´re like the sweetest girls and so fun. we´ve kinda distanced ourselves from the rest of the group... they just want to hang out with other americans and do the same stuff we do at home. they´re all going to ibiza next weekend, which i find kind of ridiculous. it´s going to cost at least a thousand dollars each, and it´s not going to be a cultural experience; it´ll be like cancun. oh well, i´m trying to expand my horizons. we´ve been taking tons of pictures, so you´ll hafta deal with the slide show when i get home. keep in touch!!!

love,
liz


hey everyone,
it´s finally cooled down a little. or maybe i´m just getting used to the heat. either way, i´m so much more comfortable. friday, we had class in the morning and then went shopping. well, we tried to go shopping and ended up spending three hours wandering the streets of madrid, completely lost. we all know what a fabulous sense of direction i have... well, sally and veronica aren´t much better. and they walk everywhere here, so we just kept going. we went out to an awesome club friday night. it´s called ¨el palacio,¨ and it´s a converted palace. it was really neat. we spent a few hours there... good times.

yesterday, we went to segovia. it was about an hour away by bus. we were kinda disappointed. besides... drum roll please... the largest standing roman aqueduct in the world... there wasn´t much there. the shops were closed for siesta, so we walked around for a little while and then headed home. kinda a let-down, but oh well. at least we got to see somewhere new. however, it sucked that my ankle popped out at the beginning of the day and i proceeded to walk around on it. by the time i got home, it was all puffy and purplish. nice. we decided to stay in for the night, considering that i could barely walk.

today, we went to el rastro, a giant outdoor flea market. it seriously takes over the street, with over 1000 stalls selling random junk. it was an experience. tonight, we´re going to a bullfight. i´m not really sure how i feel ethically about the concept, but i suppose it´s something i should see while i´m here.

tomorrow, we leave for andalusia. our class is going on a two-day, one-night trip to see the moorish area. it should be interesting. a little taste of a completely different part of spain. unfortunately, it´s to the south; so it will be even more hot. oh well, it´ll be fun.

keep in touch. i want more emails about what you´re all doing. miss you!!!


so we went to palacio with "ido." he got us in free, which was really remarkable, even though we had already waited like an hour for him. it was actually really weird; there was a line of people, and we just walked in. crazy spanish people...

the bullfight was the most awful thing i've ever watched. the first stage is fine; they wave capes around and the bulls charge them, nothing violent yet. then horses come out, and their riders have these big, long spears. the riders spear the bull; and the bull, obviously pissed off, charges at the horses. well, apparently this never happens; but during the first event, the bull charged the horse, and the horse ended up flipping and getting cast against the wall of the arena. not a good way to start the event. i cried. then they stab the bull with more spears, and it's a bloody mess. finally, the matador, big hero that he is, comes in with a spear and kills the already weakened bull. there's blood everywhere, and finally the bull chokes on his own blood which is also coming out his nose and out of his mouth, and he dies. then they put chains around his legs and ceremoniously drag him around the arena and out. this happened six times. it was the most horrible thing i've ever seen. then, if the bullfight was really good, the fighter gets a prize. wanna know what he gets? oh yes, the ear of the bull that he killed. some trophy.


if anyone besides my parents actually reads these, i´m very impressed. things are going pretty well here. i feel so settled in and adjusted to the culture. i get really homesick sometimes; but as long as i stay busy, i´m getting through it. it´s when i have time to sit around and think that i get sad. i miss kitty... and all of you, of course. but mostly kitty. hehe.

we just got back from granada and córdoba. it´s amazing how much we packed into 48 hours. i am physically and mentally exhausted. we went to granada first (following a wonderful four hour bus ride) and saw a bunch or architectural stuff. it was somewhat less than thrilling. then we got on the bus for another two hours to córdoba. that was a little bit more fun. southern spain has much more arab/islamic influence. basically, it was native, then christian, then visigoth, then muslim, then catholic from the fifteenth century on. it´s cool because you can actually see the different time periods present in the architecture and art that are still there today.

in order to get the full arab culture experience, we had a really weird night. we had dinner and shopped around a little, then the class went en masse to a teahouse for moroccan tea and hookah. yes, this was a class activity. don´t worry, it gets better. then we went to an arab spa, which consisted of pools of freezing cold and steamy hot water. the idea was to switch back and forth between the two. it was more relaxing than it sounds... the professor, ana, also insisted that we get short massages to get in the mood. i had no complaints...

yesterday, we went to la alhambra. it´s this huge walled city and is totally gorgeous. it was started in the 9th century, and its size and detail is so impressive considering the technology of that time. we took lots of pictures; there were mosaics, gardens, and fountains all over the place. three and a half of the seven original palaces are still standing. it was an amazing sight. after that, we had some free time, then another five hour bus ride to go home.

everyone else went out last night, but i decided that i really needed a night in. everyone had slept on the bus, but i wasn´t tired then. of course, once we arrived back in madrid, i could barely stand up... this morning we went out with liliana´s (our spanish madre) son, leonardo. he took us to ¨brunch,¨ which was different but interesting. there´s a chain of stores/restaurants in spain called vips; it´s like the spanish version of denny´s.

now we´re back at school to plan for the weekend. sally, veronica, and i are going to barcelona for a few days. it should be fun. it´s supposed to be absolutely beautiful, and i´m excited to see a different part of the country. so, back to planning i go. we have about two hours before class, so hopefully we´ll get everything all set. talk to you all soon!!! don´t forget to email me and call anytime. i miss you!!!

love,
liz


it was right before we went to the south that i found out that justin had been hooking up with other people. the entire time i was in spain i was all "i have a boyfriend," but apparently he wasn't doing the same. we weren't really together, and he told me i could hook up with other people in spain; but somehow i didn't think he would just go out and do it. i guess i'm just stupid. i spent half of the trip crying, then most of the next week as well. i've never been hurt so badly. there are so few people that i let in to see the real me, so few people that i'm actually vulnerable with... and then he hurt me so badly. although one of the highlights was sally getting pissed that i was crying and taking my cellphone to text him "step off, bitch..."


hola,
i haven´t spoken to anyone in awhile, so i figured it was time for an update. i can´t believe i only have five more days here. it´s craziness... there´s still so much we all want to do.

we´ve been spending the last week in museums for the most part. a typical semester course at bc is 39 hours, and this one was supposed to be 45 hours. it´s going to end up being more like 70 hours because we spend twice as long in class every day than we´re supposed to. we also write a paper every day. so much for my easy class in spain! it´s fun though. the professor is absolutely amazing; i´ve had some awesome conversations with her, and i feel like she really cares about the students.

last weekend, seven bc kids went to barcelona. it´s crazy how different the various regions of spain are. i mean... i knew that barcelona had a distinct culture, but they speak a completely different language. catalán is as different from spanish as portuguese. we survived though.

we arrived via bus at like 1 am on saturday (after 8 hours on the bus) and i mean, who would go to sleep? one of sally´s friends has been studying abroad in barcelona for the past year, so we called her up to figure out what to do. she ended up getting us into this ridiculously exclusive club (think passwords and written notes, and no i´m not exaggerating), which was a good time.

the next day, we had the brilliant plan of going to the beach. now, i´m a smart girl, so i went to the farmacía (i swear that i am singlehandedly supporting the farmacías of spain with my various ailments) and bought some sunscreen. so we went to the beach, laid out, went swimming all that good stuff. all day, we were being so good, reapplying sunscreen every twenty minutes and every time we came out of the water. we were leaving and were still pasty white... so then we decided to go straight to the picasso museum. crazy americans can get away with wearing a bathing suit under their clothes... while we´re there, i started turning red. and i mean red. by the time we went back to the hostel to take a shower, i´m bright red. like, the worst sunburn ever. so we get back to the farmacía and buy aloe and such and go back to the hostel to take a nap. i woke up from my nap after an hour to take a shower. no such luck. the showers are being fixed. three hours later, they´re still not fixed. the friendly hostel staff felt bad that the showers were broken, so they went out and bought like ten 6-packs of beer to make up for it. i went back to sleep. we went out to dinner on las ramblas, the main street. it was fun and everything, until i started getting the chills. mind you, at this point, i could barely walk. so i decided to go back to the hostel. who knew it would take 45 minutes to get a cab in downtown barcelona on saturday night?

the next day, we decided to head home in the morning so that we could be home for dinner with our homestay families. yeah, that didn´t work. we got to the bus station at 11 and had to wait until 3:30. cuz i love spending time in bus stations... we finally got home and promptly passed out. that was pretty much the weekend. stupid sun ruined everything.

tomorrow, we´re having a small fiesta at the professor´s apartment because we´re almost done and then going to a flamenco show. should be fun.

overall, i´m not as homesick as i thought i would be. i miss kitty so much. i mean, i miss you all too. but really, i miss kitty more. i mean, you knew that... congratulations if you got to the end of this email. you must really have no life. just kidding... i love you guys. as always, email or call 011 34 607 278 395.

love,
liz


so, that was spain in a nutshell. of course, since spain, there has been even
when i got back, i found out that justin had a new girl, heidi. well, that hurt, even worse than knowing that he kissed two other girls within my first ten days of being out of the country. i cried a lot, but i forgave him. his friendship meant so much to me, and i wanted him to be happy. if heidi would make him happy, then i would try to deal with that.

then i went to montreal with nyck and damien. i'm not sure what nyck's motives were for inviting me, but we ended up hooking up. messy, drunken, barely remember it hooking up. i felt guilty, so i told justin when i got back. this resulted in such fun as: "stupid slut," "never talk to me again," "you never cared about me," "go fuck yourself," and "you're dead to me."

fast forward to the next guy i really liked. we only spent two weekends together, but i feel like i knew him so well. he was the only guy besides justin that i have ever been honest with, the only guy that i have been myself with. i let down my walls and let him see the real me inside. the me that so few people know about. i really liked this one. i didn't even sleep with him. yeah, i really liked him.

stupid mistake number 2: i slept with another guy whom i had barely met. yes, i'm an idiot. ended up hurting the guy i liked more than i ever expected to. also ended up feeling awful about myself. like, maybe justin was right about that stupid slut thing...

stupid mistake number 2 happened last night. i'm still pretty numb. i just feel like, every time i have something good in my life, i do something to fuck it up. i'm not sure why. maybe i really am self-destructive. the thing is, i don't know why i slept with the guy. i really don't. i was numb, and i was trying to feel something. didn't work. i just ended up causing pain to everyone around me, and then to myself.

i don't know who i am anymore. i don't know what i want, what i'm trying to accomplish, what i care about... i'm falling apart, and no one can catch me. i need to catch myself this time. it's just hard knowing that the problems i have right now are my own fault. i can't believe that the past two months really happened. i can't believe that i lost two amazing people. i can't believe how disappointed i am in myself... i keep hoping that i'll wake up and this will all have been a dream...